Exhaustion

I had the idea that going into a doctorate level program was going to be long and hard, but I never would have guessed the extent of the difficulties I would face. It really is one hell of a ride. I guess I never truly expected to be challenged in every way a person could be: academically, mentally, physically, emotionally, spiritually, professionally, personally.. (the list goes on). I never knew there were soooo many ways a person’s being could be stretched.. and all at the same time too. I’m learning more about myself than I ever have before in my life and honestly it’s kinda scary.
It’s been a really tough week, to say the least (and it’s not even over yet) but also very pivotal. Because even though I might have hit a breaking point earlier today, having a session with a client go surprisingly really well at the very end of a difficult day… reminds me that it’s all worth it. I dreaded going to session because I felt like I wouldn’t be my best tonight, having to switch off the noisy clutter of all the anxieties and fears I have in my mind. But the moment I sat in that chair with my client sitting directly across from me, I was instantly transported to a different place. And as session continued on, important, magical things happened (yes, it was magical). And it’s moments like that (that really couldn’t have come at a better time), that help me push through and remember why I started pursuing this crazy road in the first place.

I am exhausted. I am drained. But I am also reminded that I am where I want to be.

/wordvomit.